Between clients this week, I went to scout a venue for a family event. To get there, I could wait for the traffic light or take the underpass. I was already planning to wait for the light, then thought: wait, I can just walk underneath.
So I did. It was clean, bright and well maintained. Halfway through, I realised what I’d just done. Without a second thought, I had chosen the underpass.
In Malaysia, the Netherlands or most of Europe, I wouldn’t have. You’d take the overground crossing, or check who else is down there first. There might be graffiti, rubbish, a smell. You’d look around and ask yourself: who’s near me, and what time is it?
This week I’ve had a lot of conversations with my clients, who are all women. Have you always lived in Singapore? Where else have you lived? Many of us grew up learning to scan our surroundings. If someone walks behind you for a long time, you notice. You check the time of day and whether anyone else is nearby. Many women I talk to know this feeling, wherever they come from.
We also wondered whether men think the same way. My husband and I have talked about this: my perception of KL was very different from his. Where I was watching who was around me, he barely noticed. Different, not better or worse. It just shows how differently the same street can feel depending on who’s walking it. Men, I’d love to hear whether you recognise this.
Here in Singapore, that alertness is quieter. Women walk home late at night and feel okay. After ten years here, my gut has quietly recalibrated. I’m almost local.
I’m grateful for that. Safe doesn’t mean risk-free, though. Scams, phone theft and online crime exist here too. It’s just that the everyday background hum of “stay alert” is much softer.
That’s also what raising kids here looks like. Mine feel safe, and I love that. But there’s a flip side: kids who feel safe can be too trusting, of people and of their surroundings. They don’t expect that anyone might take their things, so they leave their bags lying around. So I keep reminding them: be aware, keep your things with you, and trust your gut if something feels off. I want them to stay safe without becoming fearful.
Teaching my girls that it’s okay to say no, even when it feels rude, is a post for another day.
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