Ten days without a post. Oops.
I’d love to say I was busy living a very interesting life. Truthfully, I was busy remembering things. Who has a playdate when. Who’s driving. Which water bottle belongs to which child. That’s the invisible load, and it doesn’t pause for school holidays. It gets bigger.
V has two weeks off. Week one was playdates at our house. Week two is playdates at friends’ houses.
You’d think that’s the same thing. It isn’t. When friends come to us, there’s less logistics: no drop-offs, no pick-ups squeezed between clients. This week it’s nicer for our helper, who gets a break while V is out, but I’m the one doing the driving, and it’s rarely nearby. Grab is having a very good fortnight on my account.
Nobody sees that part. A playdate looks like a child having fun. Behind it is a mum checking her client schedule, calculating travel time and wondering if she can make the 4pm pick-up.
I wasn’t running at full capacity either. We had a round of sickness at home a couple of weeks ago, and I’m still feeling it: less energy, less appetite, a lower battery than usual.
Add F, who is finding her way at the moment. She’s jealous that her big sister is on holiday, and a couple of mornings she didn’t want to go to school at all.
Thursday at swimming
I picked V up from her playdate, collected F from school, and we went to swimming together. F didn’t want to get in the water. Again. It’s not a parent-accompanied class, but I got in with her anyway, hoping that would do it.
She joined for about half of the 30 minutes, with a lot of encouragement. Then she stopped listening to the teacher.
The week before, I had tried everything, including Santa. If you do well, I’ll tell Santa. If not, I’ll tell him that too.
F looked at me and said, “You don’t have Santa’s number.”
Challenge accepted. I googled it, and it turns out Santa has a number. A US one. When she behaved, we called it after class. You get a voicemail with a very committed “Ho, ho, ho,” and the kids were instantly thrilled.
Not my proudest parenting moment, but a very effective one.
This Thursday I had nothing left. After 20 minutes I told the teacher I was giving up for today, and we went home. No negotiating, no bargaining. I was too tired, mentally and physically.
One week I’m resourceful enough to track down Santa’s phone number. The next week I can’t even negotiate. That’s the invisible load in a nutshell.
I don’t think giving up was a failure. Some days the load makes you a patient, creative parent. Other days it makes you the one in the pool saying “okay, we’re done.”
If you’re in the second kind of week, you’re not failing. You’re just carrying a lot nobody can see.
What’s the invisible task in your house that nobody would notice if you stopped?
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