Almost Local

A very normal weekend (for us)

Last Saturday we did a movie night for V. No birthday, no occasion. Just because.

On Sunday it was her turn to head out. She spent the afternoon at a friend’s house and stayed for dinner. When I picked her up, she was tired, happy, and full of stories about what they’d played and what they’d eaten.

For us, that’s a completely ordinary weekend. It’s how I grew up in the Netherlands. You play at a friend’s house after school, someone’s mum calls to ask if you can stay for dinner, and one more plate goes on the table. After ten years in Singapore, I’d never really stopped to ask whether that’s normal here too.

I have such fond memories of it. After school, I’d have lunch with a friend from the neighbourhood. Sometimes at her house, sometimes at ours. At another friend’s house, dinner meant pancakes. And yes, there were the slightly awkward lunches too, at the home of one of my mum’s friends. She was friendly enough, but I didn’t really play with her kids.

Looking back, it was more than just fun. We had no helper, and my grandparents lived in another town. So if your mum worked, even part-time, childcare quietly ran on neighbourhood support. A friend’s kid at your lunch table was simply part of that.

So let me say this upfront: this isn’t a post about which way is better. Singapore has been home for ten years, and all three of my kids were born here. I’m simply curious about a difference I hadn’t noticed until recently.

Then a client said something that stuck with me

This week I was chatting with one of my clients. She was born in India, became a Singapore citizen a long time ago, and her kids are now in a local secondary school.

She mentioned that, in her experience, kids at local school don’t really go to each other’s homes much. Birthday parties with friends seem less common too.

What surprised us both is that neither of us grew up like that. In India, she was in and out of friends’ homes and stayed for dinner all the time. Same for me in the Netherlands. Birthdays were often celebrated twice: once with friends, once with family.

A few days later, I asked another client, who is Singaporean. Growing up, she said, playing at other people’s houses wasn’t a thing. After school, it was homework at home and time with family.

But she also noticed something. Among her friends with younger kids, playdates seem to be happening more nowadays. That’s just her observation, but it made me even more curious.

So this isn’t a post with answers. It’s me wondering out loud. Is this a real difference? Is it changing? And if so, why?

Some things I’ve been wondering about

I want to be careful here. I’m not local, and I don’t want to make assumptions about how families here live. These are just thoughts, and I’d genuinely love to hear where I’ve got it wrong.

Family is close by. My client’s first thought was that many local families have grandparents, aunties and cousins nearby. Weekends fill up with family lunches and visits. When you’re surrounded by relatives, maybe you don’t need to build your social life around school friends’ homes. When most of your family lives on the other side of the world, friends naturally become your village. In a way, it’s the mirror image of how I grew up: our village was the neighbours, because grandparents were a drive away and helpers weren’t a thing.

Schedules are full. Local school ends early, but afternoons don’t stay empty for long. Homework, tuition, enrichment, CCA, student care. Maybe there just isn’t much unstructured time left for “come over and play”.

Food and dinner time. In the Netherlands, dinner at home around six is almost universal. Asking a friend to stay just means one more plate. Here, hawker centres make eating out easy and affordable, though plenty of families cook at home every night too. I genuinely don’t know whether dinner habits play any role in this. It’s just something I’ve wondered about.

Where kids hang out. This is the one I find most interesting. In a Dutch village in November, it’s dark at five, it’s raining, and there’s no shopping mall. The only warm, dry place to hang out is somebody’s living room. Here, there are condo pools and playgrounds, void decks, air-conditioned malls and indoor play spaces. Maybe Dutch families aren’t more “open” with their homes. Maybe the home was simply the only option.

But homes here aren’t closed

And yet, I don’t think it’s as simple as “local families don’t invite people over”. Anyone who has spent Chinese New Year here knows about house visiting. Hari Raya brings open houses where friends, neighbours and colleagues drop by. Deepavali too. Homes absolutely open up here, sometimes much wider than in the Netherlands.

So maybe the difference isn’t open versus closed. Maybe it’s about who the home is for, and when. In the Netherlands, it’s small and everyday: one friend, one extra plate, on a random Tuesday. Here, it might be bigger, more festive, and tied to family and celebration.

What happens when V. moves to local school?

This is why it keeps coming back to me. In January, V. moves from international school to a local primary school for P3.

At international school, playdates and dinners at friends’ homes are part of the rhythm. Many families there are far from their own relatives, so we lean on each other. I’m curious, and if I’m honest a little nervous, about what will change. Will she still be invited over? Will her new friends want to come to ours? Will birthday parties look different?

Or maybe it will change in ways I can’t predict. If my second client is right, local school today might already look different from a generation ago. Maybe she’ll make friends at the playground or after CCA, rather than around a dinner table. That’s not worse, just different. Ideally, she gets a bit of both.

I’ll report back once we’re a few months in.

Over to you

If you grew up in Singapore, I’d love to know. Did you go to friends’ homes after school? Did you ever stay for dinner? How did you celebrate your birthdays?

And if you’ve moved your kids from international to local school, did you notice a difference?

Tell me in the comments or send me a message on Instagram. I’m genuinely curious, and I’ll share what I learn.